Nostalgia.- The false swear!

As I lay in my bed today and thought about how time had flew, I had a broadcast of memories in my mind.I just remembered how I had started going to Holy Child School & today, I had completed it. I had passed all twelve years of my school .

Time flew. . Faster than aeroplanes I guess. *Funny, right?*
But, out of all the childhood incidents in my mind, the one I liked the best was the false swear!
Swearing is supposed to be holy in India. When someone, swears you ought to believe them no matter how bad you know they are lying.

As kids, we were always taught that if we took anybody's swear for a lie, that person was bound to die. So, the auspicious swear could never be wasted.  When parents didn't want you to do something, they would simply say you got my swear!

I remember when I was 4 or 5, I once took my elder sister's false swear on something. No! I don't remember what was the swear on! I remember when I went to bed that day, all I could think of was my sister not waking up the next day. I was terrified over the thought that my beloved sister would die because of me. With all my courage, I woke up my mother at about 4a.m. in the morning. She was annoyed because I had destroyed her sleep. But, when I told her why I had woken her up. She had probably laughed her ass out! (No! Not in front of me). She just asked me to apologize to my sister & chant the sacred "Gayatri Mantra" for about 5 times. I did, as told. And, nothing happened to my sister.

Now, that I think of this, I laugh like a crazy woman. Now, I really swear like a lot. And, mostly on things that are not true.  But, this incident reminds me of how simple & cute we used to be as children.

I miss the innocence of childhood. Broken pencils & toys were any day better than broken hearts & relationships.

Live.Love.Laugh.
Never let the child in you die. :)

Trouble is a friend of mine!

Have you ever felt that things go wrong & you have absolutely no way of correcting them?
Have you ever felt that everybody is ruling over you continuously?
Have you ever felt that your privacy is getting destroyed & you can't do anything about it?
Have you felt that you are completely life-less & people are just taking a trip on you because, you are weaker & they happen to be a lot stronger?

Well, if you're answers to all the above questions are yes! Then, Hello friends!
Because, I am going through the exactly same phase of life. I am equally impatient, life-less , and sick! Not like ill sick. . But, sick of everything happening in my life!
I need a break, like a BIG break.  A break from anything.
I wanna go alone to some place that I've never been to , sit in silence & learn more about life, me & what I really wanna do with my life.
I just don't seem to figure out anything in life. It is just too complicated.

For example, a few days back I came home sloshed & puked on my bed. My parents had a cultural shock. It's India, parents are still not open with the fact that their children drink. I mean, I'm not a drunkard or something. I just planned to be happy high but, it turned out to be something a lot more than that. I still deny it in front of them, but it happens. They know my reality. Which has actually screwed up my entire relationship with my father. *upset eyes*

Like, any other 18-year-old teenager, even I want space. space in life . I need to make my own decisions. Live my life the way I want to. I cannot learn from anybody Else's mistakes. This is my life.  I have to make my own mistakes. But, who will make them understand this!

And, so goes with my love life. I know I am with the wrong guy. But, I also know that he will screw my happiness if I leave him. So, that is my decision to do it. Break it when I want to & patch up when I want to.
It's entirely my choice, that who has to be in my life & who doesn't. Nobody is here to govern me. This is me!

But, parents are probably the last people on the planet who understand us or at least attempt to understand us! They think that just because, they give birth to us, they own us! I mean of course, we owe our lives to them. But, does that give them the authority to take decisions for the rest of our lives? If, I want a BlackBerry then that is entirely my choice, I don't care if it gets obsolete in a little while. It's my choice to have it. But, my dad won't buy me one, because he disapproves of it! Why ? Why on earth am I supposed to go with it?
But that's how we are expected to be. I am so going to take up a part time job with my first year. I need money, to fulfill these external needs of mine which are being disapproved by my folks.

No, I won't preach of optimism today, I cannot. Because I am not living on it either.
I can give a whole lot of lecture on frustration  if you guys are willing to hear it, Because,that is my current state of mind. Totally frustrated.

Hello, gloomy days! *sad face*

Right in later people.
Looking for people who can connect.
Take care. :)

On a serious dose from life. .

Just learned how life works. . People change themselves faster than they change their outfits. Shit happens! But, life goes on!
Isn't it amazing how somebody can enter your life & make it something totally worth it. . And at the same time isn't it shocking how somebody's entrance into your life makes it completely shitty & as boring as death. .
Weird know? But, then that's what they call life! Weird , boring & interesting life. .
No! I am so not experienced like in masses but, I somehow manage to love it already! Life is strange, weird, stupid but at the same time it is just so WOW. You learn things. . learn people, learn to distinguish among people & also learn to distinguish among right & wrong.

Honestly, I believe that nothing in life is wrong. Its just a matter of point of view. Somethings are nice for us while ugly for others & the same goes vice versa. But, are we all to game to new perceptions & beginnings?

Are we all game to learn more about our own lives without comparing it with the life of people around us!

I know, my post made no sense at all today. But, that's how we write, right?
Keep learning more on life, people! :')

Relief. . But not happiness. .

Okayy. . Well, I didn't make it to any of the top colleges. But, I got B.A. History(Hons) In Daulat Ram which is of course in North Campus but it isn't that good. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed  for the second list which comes tomorrow midnight as I am really interested in a better college, but all I might be able to land up would be at SGTB Khalsa or Indraprastha college for women. But, its still a nice option.

Anyways, another thing I learned in the last two days is that when someone makes you cry wipe them and not the tears. Yes, I have been heart broken.  It was an almost 2 year long relationship & he dumped me for absolutely no reason, so there's no chance that he can come back with an excuse.
And, trust me I feel nice, light & good. This is cool . I'm free from almost all the boundaries that he has set for me. And, since he chose to do it, I'm not in much shit either.

Don't know why all of a sudden everything feels so good. Though, things are not working exactly the way I expected the to work but, they are not that bad either. Suddenly life starts getting better for me. I really feel like I am shedding the uniform, the frustrated , strangled me & coming out as mee, the real me. . The adorable, crazy me.  The me for whom I would definitely die for, if not anyone else! Yes, the crazy stupid me! Who'd smile for almost any reason.

Life's beautiful if you just change the angle & see it. Isn't it?
So start learning life & you might just start loving it! :)
Good day everybody! :) 

Not as promised!

Okay. . Okay. .I know I promised that the next piece of my story will be on 26th. . But, I am getting like really impatient here. . I mean everywhere something or the other is being said. . Some people say that you will get in North Campus. . Don't worry!
But, dude, I already have goosebumps! I mean Cut-offs tomorrow. . I swear school life was so much cooler! This is so not cool. So much of tension, pressure & what not.
I bet, Im gonna have a sleepless night today! Gosh! How desperate I am to get in. . Lets see. .
Im sorry, Im running out of time abi . .Update you with more tomorrow.

Fingers crossed people!  ^-^ 

Dreams broken!

Okay, so today was a double heart-break day for me!
Nooo! Not that I have a boyfriend , & he broke up with me! Noo noo!
Its the admissions. I did not qualify for the Stephens interview. . In fact, I did not even meet the eligibility criteria. And, to add a cherry on the cake I screwed my CATE results. I mean I scored 69.3 & my rank is 527.Yes, I will not be getting into Miranda House or any nice college. Its like I am flunking. I feel so bad.
I mean all my dreams crushed. Within no time, all my dreams of north campus, now end into probably a filthy  college in the south campus. Yeah, I know I dreamed too big.

But, remember yesterday I was talking of optimism, Isn't that what we are taught , since the time we start shitting in our nappies? Okay, that was a bit too rude! Honestly, i feel the entire system is wrong. How are these people just expecting us to get 100%. And why the hell are these people studying so much? Why? I mean a serious why? Can't they just be happy with 70s & 80s. Everybody has gone insane. They study like fools. And, CBSE is like distributing marks in wholesale. I so wish our education system was like that in abroad. Based, on knowledge & not rote learning.

If I become a lawyer, the first thing I will do is ask for the DU people an explanation for these really high cut-offs.
Actually, no! the first was CBSE. For giving commerce students just 2 holidays in the Mathematics Board exam. But, all that will happen, If I become a lawyer. If, I make it into B.A. somewhere. God! My frustrations are at peak .
Besides, a midst all these happenings, I somehow managed to watch TERI MERI KAHANI today. It is a nice movie. And, those of you looking forward for it, do watch it. It's sweet enough to be watched once at least.

So, the cut-offs will be out on 26th. And, that is probably when my next blog will come up i.e. four days from now actually three since midnight is here. Till then good night people!

And remember, life is beautiful! :D

When dreams meet Reality!

June 21, 2012 The biggest day of my carrier. Apparently, I am exaggerating a bit but, that's the day when the first cut-off list of my dream college was announced. No, I don't make the cut for it. I don't possibly for any of the top colleges in Delhi. I am so screwed. This is like the worst thing on the planet that could ever happen to me. The cut offs are so damn high. I feel like I am cheated. I desperately wanted to get in there. It was my love, It was the most amazing place I could think of.I dreamed of it like all day all night. And now, I feel like a useless pig. Oh! wait,even pigs are useful!

So now, I felt like an absolutely college less girl . Who does nothing apart from facebooking, tweeting and flaunting her dad's money. I kind of felt that I was letting my parents down. I mean I failed all the law entrance exams(yes! law was my dream.) and scored only 84% in my boards. Which meant that getting into DU was next to impossible though personally , I feel that the word impossible shouldn't exist at all. Why can't  we all be like OPTIMISTIC! That's the only thing I survive on.
And man, I literally mean SURVIVE.

Optimism was all that I had when I appeared for my XII board exams, for my Common Law Entrance Test & when I first entered St.Stephens. But now, I seem to be lacking in it. I don't know how & what broke my belief. But, whatever it was, it was certainly a huge failure that I had encountered. Which crashed almost all of my dreams (Though St.Stephens's dream is still alive as the interview list will be announced tomorrow.)

I will keep my fingers crossed till tomorrow. And pray & believe in me. I hope there's an interview call for me.
Till then, good night everybody. :)

The story begins. .

A 5'4' tall, wheatish complexion and slim. . umm yeah slim (feels so good! *tongue out*) girl steps out of her white & red polka dotted uniform that she's been wearing for 12 years & prepares herself to enter into a whole new world. A world where she knows none , believes in nobody but herself and has faith in the one & only ALMIGHTY.

Yes, I was being a little too dramatic . Okay. . So this is about leaving school & stepping into a whole new world. . entering into the huge world of DELHI UNIVERSITY. Okay, so it's DU. One place everybody dreams of. Not everybody, but most Delhi schooled definitely do. So, here I was dreaming of getting into North Campus with a best of four agree-gate of 84% only.  DU was like a cake I was not allowed to have. I knew I would make it to some college there but, my dream of getting into a top college was shattered the day my class XII results were out. Still with all hope of getting in I filled the centralized form and of course, St.Stephens's form.  I fell in love with the college as soon as I entered it. Nothing impressed me in the entire North Campus much more than Stephens did. Not even Uncle Tom's maggi!(*wink wink*) I was never a topper at school though I took commerce & struggled in Maths! I just managed to pass always! And o be honest, my class XII percentage is the highest I have ever scored. My parents are neither happy nor sad with my score. I am neutral. (Kidding. I was ecstatic! Though I pretended to cry).

I had not cleared any entrance so far. I just wished to clear the CATE 2012 & get admission into a decent college . So, that when I am at least somewhere in comparison to my sister. (She was in Hindu, I can't even dream of matching up.)

With the first cut-off list not even a week away, all I did was bite my nails & look at the previous year cut-off. Hoping to get in somewhere. And, I am still doing that.  Of course, I will write in more. But, for now I feel that what I am writing is really useless.

So will post in more in a few days. .